It’s generally understood that self-defense incidents are stressful events. That’s just common sense. But very few know what that looks like in the real world. Fewer still have any idea how the long-term consequences produce fallout that touches every aspect and every relationship they have. If you carry a gun or advocate that others do, it’s important to prepare for the unfortunate possibility that you may be forced to take another’s life and how that could affect you for the rest of your life.
Most of the after-effects of a shooting are common sense: flashbacks, depression, emotional numbing, sleep disturbances, hyperawareness, and PTSD come to mind, just to name a few. These can be short-term effects or can turn into long-term conditions requiring therapy. There’s one, however, that very few people know about. It’s aptly known as “The Mark of Cain.” Yes, that Cain.
In the book of Genesis, Cain, the oldest son of Adam and Eve kills his younger brother, Abel, out of jealousy that God accepted Abel’s offering while not accepting Cain’s. As a result, God exiles Cain, forcing him to become a “fugitive and wanderer” in the lands of his people. Further, God marks Cain so that everyone will know he is under God’s punishment for his crime.
You might be trying to picture what a shooting event and an ancient murder have in common. The thread that runs through both is that police officers, and now civilian survivors, who have been forced to defend themselves end up suffering like the biblical Cain. No, they are not permanently marked, but they do end up with a similar fate.
Imagine for a minute that you’ve had to defend yourself and survived to tell the tale. Now elevate that by imagining you had to kill another person to survive. Suddenly, your whole world is turned upside down. The press shows up, using your home as the backdrop to headlines about the shooting. Reporters ask for comments. They harass you for interviews. People who were your lifelong friends suddenly pull away as the inevitable controversies envelope your life. Your children are harassed at school.
To make matters worse, you begin suffering from frequent flashbacks. Panic attacks appear from out of nowhere. You lose your job because your employer doesn’t want all the attention at their place of business. Not to mention that you’ve got the constant stress of potential criminal charges that may be filed against you. The deceased’s family members begin talking about you in the press and making the case that you killed an innocent man. Your name can even be dragged through the mud by them saying it was a racist act. Can you see the strain that could build up around you? And every time your name is mentioned, you’re forced to re-live the most traumatic experience of your lifetime.
These aren’t theoretical concerns. As countless police officers can attest, these are all too common. You become isolated, exiled from your previous life. Worse yet, your identity changes. You become a caricature of your former self. You’re suddenly the guy nobody wants to associate with. Even if you maintain friends, all of them want to discuss one thing: What was it like? You become inextricably tied to the event so that you are one and the same. Like Cain, you’ve been marked. Your life will never be the same.
Suppose you’re black, and the man you shot was white (or vice-versa). Now, what could have been a local event turns into a national circus. The event becomes a nightly discussion on evening news and early morning radio shows. All the experts emerge to give their own interpretation of what happened even though none of them were there.
The day you decide to carry a firearm or purchase one for home protection, you’re assuming the possibility that your name will be next. It’s serious business and can’t be taken lightly.
Unfortunately, we live in a culture saturated with characters like Dirty Harry, John Wick, James Bond, and John McClain. We’ve watched countless movies glorifying self-defense and violent acts protecting the innocent. We’ve imagined ourselves as these action heroes and think we’d be capable of the same things. There are no long-term consequences in the movies. It’s just the opposite; these heroes walk away without a care in the world. I know there are a lot of people who don’t believe movies have that much power. If you’re one of them, ask a professional instructor about the biggest obstacles when training new students. One of the top answers will be overcoming the stereotypes and misconceptions people have picked up from television or from watching movies.
I have a humorous example from my own training. As a police officer, I had the pleasure of attending training on active shooter response – particularly at schools. We trained at a local school with SWAT officers acting as bad guys. I was chosen as the point guy and had to lead the team into the dangerous situation. We finally isolated the bad guy to one classroom. I was tasked with crossing the doorway to take up a position on the other side. My number two man and I would then be responsible for engaging the shooter. I hugged the wall next to the doorway, my heart racing. Yes, it was a scenario, but the simulation rounds made it seem real. Getting hit by one is painful, so we did our best to avoid getting shot. When the time came, I pointed my handgun to the ceiling and rolled across the opening, turning my body as I did so my back ended up against the opposite wall. I thought it was cool-looking, but the head instructor immediately yelled “cease fire” and called everyone into the hallway so they could all make fun of my “Miami Vice” technique. It was embarrassing, but that was the point. I’d emulated a move I’d seen police and detectives in the movies do countless times. After the laughing ceased, we were all subsequently taught how to “slice the pie” and keep the muzzle of the gun pointed toward the threat at all times. Yes, even police officers subconsciously learn from the movies.
The movies portray the good guy always coming up as the winner. They never have to hide from view. They never have their marriage fall apart or have their children bullied because of something they did. But these things are very much a part of reality and must be considered.
Purchasing a gun is often exciting. Taking a firearms course can feel empowering. But all of us and all your customers need to learn more from actual self-defense cases to understand what can happen. Knowledge won’t always change the outcome, but it can at least serve as a warning and comfort that you’re not facing the unknown. Knowing what is likely and that there can be light on the other side of the tunnel can help during the darkest of times.
